I always speak straightly to people i know. I think if you want to have real relationships you speak the truth. Well, trouble is some people can't accept it and think I am just shooting them for fun. Well regardless it is fun or not if they can't take it I stop as soon as they tell me or show me some strong reaction.
But sometimes I go over the line too, like in conditions that involves me having bad mood or a particularly strong reaction against some things that is being discussed. For example if I am very pissed off by someone that day I may speak more sarcastically than usual. I know it's not good but every one's got their own temper isn't it? I mean when your friend suddenly bawls at you for no reason you know that something is wrong or you tell him "What the heck is wrong with you?" and most normally that person will wake up a bit from his tantrums.
But the problem with some minorities are the ones that show you that they are OK and did not tell you anything but will suddenly one day come out with the exclamation " You know what? I can't stand you anymore and YOU are not my friend anymore." while that guy don't even know that what thing that he went over the line, or in some case what's the trigger. Well as courteousness dictates we apologize first and try to find out mistakes and try to correct them. That's what people say you value relationships more than who's the right or wrong one.
But the second problem happens here as you can see, where when one party will ultimately think that they are absolutely correct and therefore the other party should either figure it out themselves or there's no need for them to do anything just because they are so damn sure that the situation is not salvageable. As the saying goes one hand can't produce a clap so what should the other party do? So they try and try until they gave up. And those who are so pure and so good in their own heart will feel that it is always their responsibility or they always have to try to save the friendship. The second type would no doubt feel very bad and will keep a grudge towards the other party because they well feel that they are toyed and good efforts wasted but the other party still treat them like scum.
So unless you have telepathy ability where you can dive into other's mind to send a message you should always tell them. Even if you do not think the other party would have listened if a person asked you nicely and is sincere in getting feedback from you I think it would be discourteous for one to just ignore them even if you would't want to have any relationship with the person after the incident.
I don't have time and patience to keep bugging you like begging for sweets nor the responsibility of entertaining you like a kid. But just so you know, the main reason human can't interact with cows is because they don't speak, and you are failing my attempt to communicate by acting just like a cow in this matter.
Hope you stop being a kid, a cow or an idiot.
Friday, 8 June 2012
Wednesday, 15 February 2012
breaking in
I am so glad but so disappointed at the same time that my feeling is so complex now.
The reason I am happy is because I finally broke in a debate competition. The last two rounds in our preliminary rounds are good, we managed to debate at a much more higher level than we normally do. So we beat up two teams in a row. As we lost the first two rounds by close speaker scores, our average score is high and we made it to the quarter finals with ranking 6. Actually our speaker score is even higher than the rank 4th and 5th teams but their number of winnings are more than ours.
In quarter finals, we are debating whether we should intervene in Syria militarily. We, the government took the stance of not to do so. We built our case and defended it while our opponents tried to poke holes in it to bring it down. After the match I was quite certain we can beat them, just as my seniors thought. But when the results are announced, it was a defeat with 3-2 split. The chair gave the win to us, but 3 panels think our case failed to stand. We asked for reasons and advice from the adjudicators, and found that each of them have different prioritization. Some think the opponent don't have a stance, some think the opponent actually did poke enough holes to bring the case down.
The other 3 quarter finals ended with clear wins of 5-0, 5-0 and the most shocking of all, UMP beat UM with 4-1 clear win. So it seems that our match was the toughest and closest of all other quarter rounds. Our trainer was quite pleased because we actually nearly beat a strong team. But then, the fact is we missed the semi final round.
Maybe if we were judged by 7 or 9 adjudicators the condition will be different, but of course no one can be sure how they will judge us. I am a bit sad because I lost a great chance, but I believe the way ahead is clear. I am a first year student who has just been debating in English for six months, and I have broken into a major tournament in Malaysia. I may not be a top debater now, but I will work hard to be one.
So long girls and boys, please await a better me in the next tournament.
The reason I am happy is because I finally broke in a debate competition. The last two rounds in our preliminary rounds are good, we managed to debate at a much more higher level than we normally do. So we beat up two teams in a row. As we lost the first two rounds by close speaker scores, our average score is high and we made it to the quarter finals with ranking 6. Actually our speaker score is even higher than the rank 4th and 5th teams but their number of winnings are more than ours.
In quarter finals, we are debating whether we should intervene in Syria militarily. We, the government took the stance of not to do so. We built our case and defended it while our opponents tried to poke holes in it to bring it down. After the match I was quite certain we can beat them, just as my seniors thought. But when the results are announced, it was a defeat with 3-2 split. The chair gave the win to us, but 3 panels think our case failed to stand. We asked for reasons and advice from the adjudicators, and found that each of them have different prioritization. Some think the opponent don't have a stance, some think the opponent actually did poke enough holes to bring the case down.
The other 3 quarter finals ended with clear wins of 5-0, 5-0 and the most shocking of all, UMP beat UM with 4-1 clear win. So it seems that our match was the toughest and closest of all other quarter rounds. Our trainer was quite pleased because we actually nearly beat a strong team. But then, the fact is we missed the semi final round.
Maybe if we were judged by 7 or 9 adjudicators the condition will be different, but of course no one can be sure how they will judge us. I am a bit sad because I lost a great chance, but I believe the way ahead is clear. I am a first year student who has just been debating in English for six months, and I have broken into a major tournament in Malaysia. I may not be a top debater now, but I will work hard to be one.
So long girls and boys, please await a better me in the next tournament.
Sunday, 12 February 2012
the battle is still on
Today has been quite disappointing. Two matches. Victories are so close, yet so far.
I have never had so much desire in winning a debate. One has to perform quite well until you are confident enough to think you can win, and one has to be confident that he can win in order to feel that desire.
It's not perfect debates in those two matches, yet I felt that we have at least achieve a standard that I am quite proud of. However somehow fate is not on our side. The first debate we lost to another team with speaker score of 1 mark while less than 5 for the second match.
The only way we can break is to win the following two rounds with a higher than average speaker score. But yet our battle is still on! As long as there is any chances, I won't give up. Even if there's no chances I won't give up either! I love debate, and I may not be as well as those who debates in English language for a longer time, but my fire of spirit continues to burn brightly no matters what.
I have never had so much desire in winning a debate. One has to perform quite well until you are confident enough to think you can win, and one has to be confident that he can win in order to feel that desire.
It's not perfect debates in those two matches, yet I felt that we have at least achieve a standard that I am quite proud of. However somehow fate is not on our side. The first debate we lost to another team with speaker score of 1 mark while less than 5 for the second match.
The only way we can break is to win the following two rounds with a higher than average speaker score. But yet our battle is still on! As long as there is any chances, I won't give up. Even if there's no chances I won't give up either! I love debate, and I may not be as well as those who debates in English language for a longer time, but my fire of spirit continues to burn brightly no matters what.
Sunday, 6 November 2011
Damnation and Blessing
It's been one month. I have been asking myself the same question. Again and again. For Thirty days.
Habit? Or something else?
Every encounter either make me feel happy for one whole day, or down for one whole day. It is my failure in controlling my emotion, or maybe I am trying to control something which is impossible to contain anyway? Like wild fire spreading and burning, just this one has unlimited fuel which constantly get refreshed again and again.
Am I hoping that the fire will go out eventually like the forest fire in Australia last time? Uncontrollable at that time, yes, but still go out after some time?
No, it does not seemed that way. Not even after one month, anyway.
I wait. I watch. I be patient.
I frust. I miss. I stress.
It's one big dose of damnation and blessing at the same time. It shows me how I am a guy who make others my center of life. It shows me how stubborn I could be in such matter. And yet with all that obstacles and seemingly impossible path, I choose to suffer, I rather suffer. Because I know there's a chance.
If I fail, it will still worth it. Because it's even more not worth it if I missed a chance to pursue something I want. And I know how badly I yearn for that one.
Habit? Or something else?
Every encounter either make me feel happy for one whole day, or down for one whole day. It is my failure in controlling my emotion, or maybe I am trying to control something which is impossible to contain anyway? Like wild fire spreading and burning, just this one has unlimited fuel which constantly get refreshed again and again.
Am I hoping that the fire will go out eventually like the forest fire in Australia last time? Uncontrollable at that time, yes, but still go out after some time?
No, it does not seemed that way. Not even after one month, anyway.
I wait. I watch. I be patient.
I frust. I miss. I stress.
It's one big dose of damnation and blessing at the same time. It shows me how I am a guy who make others my center of life. It shows me how stubborn I could be in such matter. And yet with all that obstacles and seemingly impossible path, I choose to suffer, I rather suffer. Because I know there's a chance.
If I fail, it will still worth it. Because it's even more not worth it if I missed a chance to pursue something I want. And I know how badly I yearn for that one.
Zooming in
When I was small, when I was in secondary school there's always some elders you will meet in your life who wants to teach you about what life is. They told me how I should be spending my life. They give me an analysis of which career is most suitable. They even told me what my ideal wife should look like and act like.The way they say it, you will feel that these things define your future, that the whole life of yours actually depends on your choices.
But when I grow older, I read more and I think more, I can't really agree to all this anymore. I don't think that our life's meaning depends on these general things. I feel that even if one has a good career, good wife and what people call supposedly "perfect life" you can still live like a zombie without any feeling.
While it's true that what you choose and what you do do define you as a person in whole, I think that we should zoom in further. For all we know, two person can have the same objective and the same way of doing it, maybe even equal ability. But do they gain the same results? I doubt that any two person will be completely equal in anything. Then what's wrong? What creates the difference?
It's the small things that people normally take them as unimportant that makes the difference. It's the small difference in the way you think that cause you to succeed or lose. No matter how you look at the big picture, you will eventually find that it's the small, detailed parts of the picture which make it so wonderful and so fascinating. No matter how good you are, you still need to assemble the basic elements to get the complete set of the thing you want.
It's like during the process of chasing a girl, people normally pay attention to the part where the boy confesses and the girl accepts or maybe the part where the boy flirts with the girl. But every boy flirts with the girl they are chasing, so what's so interesting with it? The part which defines the thing lies in the smallest movement, the simplest dialogue or maybe the basic feeling the boy is giving out to the people around him. Have you ever compare two pairs of couples flirting? Then maybe you will get to notice such small differences. How the tiniest, non-obvious and maybe even without the doer's realization himself or herself make every case unique.
When we continue to grow and learn more, we will eventually leave the level where we are looking at the big picture and learning the steps. We will slowly start to notice the tiniest things in our action. It's just like chess. When you become really good, it's one small difference that change everything in a game. The ones who fail to zoom in will always live in the world which the big picture is everything, and without really going deeper into anything, fail to find the true meaning of their actions. How can a basketball game become really meaningful for a player if he only play the game based on principles of the game? Of course he's going deeper and deeper both in emotional aspect and technical aspect, which will be unique compared to other players although everyone plays the same game.
For me myself, I am currently training hard to improve myself in debating skills. But the more I learn, the more tiny elements begin to pop out. I realize that achieving the basics is one thing, but if I were to evolve to become better and a true debater, I need to really zoom in and deal with those tiny elements. After all, what defines professionalism and uniqueness come from them.
The longer I wait and be patient for something that my heart yearns so much, the better I understand about myself also. I just hope by zooming in, I will be become better and redefine myself in a new light.
Because to really create a change, I need to zoom in. Because that's how I will know what I need to change, what I need to improve and what move I need to take in order to reach my target in the end.
But when I grow older, I read more and I think more, I can't really agree to all this anymore. I don't think that our life's meaning depends on these general things. I feel that even if one has a good career, good wife and what people call supposedly "perfect life" you can still live like a zombie without any feeling.
While it's true that what you choose and what you do do define you as a person in whole, I think that we should zoom in further. For all we know, two person can have the same objective and the same way of doing it, maybe even equal ability. But do they gain the same results? I doubt that any two person will be completely equal in anything. Then what's wrong? What creates the difference?
It's the small things that people normally take them as unimportant that makes the difference. It's the small difference in the way you think that cause you to succeed or lose. No matter how you look at the big picture, you will eventually find that it's the small, detailed parts of the picture which make it so wonderful and so fascinating. No matter how good you are, you still need to assemble the basic elements to get the complete set of the thing you want.
It's like during the process of chasing a girl, people normally pay attention to the part where the boy confesses and the girl accepts or maybe the part where the boy flirts with the girl. But every boy flirts with the girl they are chasing, so what's so interesting with it? The part which defines the thing lies in the smallest movement, the simplest dialogue or maybe the basic feeling the boy is giving out to the people around him. Have you ever compare two pairs of couples flirting? Then maybe you will get to notice such small differences. How the tiniest, non-obvious and maybe even without the doer's realization himself or herself make every case unique.
When we continue to grow and learn more, we will eventually leave the level where we are looking at the big picture and learning the steps. We will slowly start to notice the tiniest things in our action. It's just like chess. When you become really good, it's one small difference that change everything in a game. The ones who fail to zoom in will always live in the world which the big picture is everything, and without really going deeper into anything, fail to find the true meaning of their actions. How can a basketball game become really meaningful for a player if he only play the game based on principles of the game? Of course he's going deeper and deeper both in emotional aspect and technical aspect, which will be unique compared to other players although everyone plays the same game.
For me myself, I am currently training hard to improve myself in debating skills. But the more I learn, the more tiny elements begin to pop out. I realize that achieving the basics is one thing, but if I were to evolve to become better and a true debater, I need to really zoom in and deal with those tiny elements. After all, what defines professionalism and uniqueness come from them.
The longer I wait and be patient for something that my heart yearns so much, the better I understand about myself also. I just hope by zooming in, I will be become better and redefine myself in a new light.
Because to really create a change, I need to zoom in. Because that's how I will know what I need to change, what I need to improve and what move I need to take in order to reach my target in the end.
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
A Stranger's Sincerity
We may have heard this saying many times: It's pity not to have friends. It may be correct, but sometimes in life you may find that strangers you meet actually may bring you help you do not expect and in some case, far more valuable than things your friends can give you.
The most distinctive difference between strangers and friends are how much you know about them. You may know someone for ten years, but if you don't know anything about that person and he don't know about you either, then you can consider him as a stranger. In contrary, even if you just met someone for one day but you and that person manage to know each other very well, then he or she can be considered as your friend.
For each and everyone of us, we can have one zillion friends but our closest friends will most probably be like only a handful. When you have trouble, real trouble not simple everyday problem, the people who can help you and who most probably will help you are these closest friends. But the thing is, even closest friends become not so close after being separated for a while. You may trust one person very much, but after three years you guys don't meet and he suddenly turn up with a serious request, will you still trust him like before? I doubt that. Another thing is closest friends have their own life to live too, which means they will be there for you all the time. Even if they are willing to fly back from a zillion miles away to rescue you, I doubt whether you will be thick-faced enough to ask them to do that.
For strangers, they don't you and you don't know them, so of course you can't expect them to do some stunts to save you or help you. But if one stranger were to help you when you are in trouble, it means he or she is helping you with a pure heart. Of course this does not include people who help you to gain your money or things. The thing is, when a friend helps you, does he helps because he wants to help you, or because you are his friend? Will he still help you if you were stranger to him? Does he feel that helping a friend is his responsibility or a good deed he would have done to anyone? Try to think about that.
Maybe we can agree that some people are like that. But we must also know that between friends exist several bonds which does not form between strangers, mostly anyway. When you treat a friend bad, or when you refuse to help him on an occasion, what would happen the next time you are in trouble? Of course he's not going to help you, except he's a extremely kind people which is rare. Even if you argue that you help your friend truthfully, you cannot deny your mind will think and compare about how you and your friend treat each other. In there somewhere is the idea of gaining something, which although may only present in a tiny amount but will reduce the true sincerity of our heart.
But when we help someone we do not know, or when a stranger helps us, it's different. Why? Because you do not expect to gain something from a stranger who you meet because of coincidence. You may meet that someone today and never again in the future. Your life will hardly be affected by that stranger again. But yet you help them, or you get help from them. In such cases, the sincerity is even more purer than helping between your friends and you.
One of my friends said that she can confess about her thoughts to a stranger better than a friend. Because a stranger just appear for a brief moment and they go away, so she does not face problem facing them in the future. And when a stranger listen to you, he or she is not listening because they are afraid to offend you. They don't care anyway because you won't be one big piece in their life, you are just one people they meet and leave. When they listen is because they want to and they care.
In short, in life we will always have to face our friends, so it will be a long term relationship with them, at least many times longer compared to the ones we have with strangers. To maintain a relationship includes too many complex things which will clash with our sincerity, like balancing gaining and giving between friends. For strangers whom we may only meet for once in our life, there's no complex element in the short term relationship. We treat them as we wish to, and they treat us like they wish to, filled with sincerity. That's why when they help or they care, the heart behind this action may be much much purer than a friend's.
That's why don't be shocked that at some point in life, you may get deeply touched by a stranger's sincerity. =)
Saturday, 29 October 2011
When my mind run wild
People always say that they want a quiet environment to feel peaceful. But at most times it's a quiet environment that makes your mind wonder more wildly. This can be explained using the theory of relativity, where similarly tell us that beauty only exist because of ugly, happiness only exist because of sadness and wisdom only exist only because stupidity.
The same thing goes for our mind. We have a lot of problems in life. The time when we are really at peace is actually the things around us are in chaos. Sounds like nonsense? Not at all. When we are in a very grave condition, our mind focuses on the thing around us. We don't have many thoughts because our mind are working hard at the moment to face the current situation. But notice this: whenever we sat down and have nothing to do, or the fact that the things you are doing is not too important that it won't form a strong enough attraction for your mind, you end up thinking about a lot more things than you do during chaos. You think about your future, your desires or even sometimes flashes of thoughts which bring no meaning but still annoying all the same.
The night is a time when you mind run wilder than the rest of the time in a day. Sometimes you can't sleep, like I am now, and you find yourself sitting in front of your laptop reading people's posts on facebook without really taking in what they're posting. Your mind's running wild with all the problems you face recently and you don't really want to disturb your friends who is online at that moment. Or worse there's some problem you can't simply talk to anyone about but you wonder whether trying to access the problem or the person directly will make the situations better or worse.
You think about all the possibilities. You think about the moves you should take. You think about other live examples you have witnessed in your life. You think about whether it's worth it. Then you can't stop thinking about it anyway. All that can haunt you during the time which is the most peaceful. Because the peace outside actually helps to let you know how much trouble you have inside.
Wise people says that a kind heart recognizes no enemy, wisdom recognizes no worry. But if I were a wise person then surely I will either solve it without trouble or won't bother to feel worry.
But in this depth of night, my heart's yearning is even clearer and louder, like a giant bell sounded in silence. The missing I have sounds like thunder in my mind, hoping that someone would hear it.
Run wild! Run free! Carry my thoughts and care like a slow, cool breeze. Into the dream of it's master who is always missed. Go!
Midnight, that's when my mind run wild.
The same thing goes for our mind. We have a lot of problems in life. The time when we are really at peace is actually the things around us are in chaos. Sounds like nonsense? Not at all. When we are in a very grave condition, our mind focuses on the thing around us. We don't have many thoughts because our mind are working hard at the moment to face the current situation. But notice this: whenever we sat down and have nothing to do, or the fact that the things you are doing is not too important that it won't form a strong enough attraction for your mind, you end up thinking about a lot more things than you do during chaos. You think about your future, your desires or even sometimes flashes of thoughts which bring no meaning but still annoying all the same.
The night is a time when you mind run wilder than the rest of the time in a day. Sometimes you can't sleep, like I am now, and you find yourself sitting in front of your laptop reading people's posts on facebook without really taking in what they're posting. Your mind's running wild with all the problems you face recently and you don't really want to disturb your friends who is online at that moment. Or worse there's some problem you can't simply talk to anyone about but you wonder whether trying to access the problem or the person directly will make the situations better or worse.
You think about all the possibilities. You think about the moves you should take. You think about other live examples you have witnessed in your life. You think about whether it's worth it. Then you can't stop thinking about it anyway. All that can haunt you during the time which is the most peaceful. Because the peace outside actually helps to let you know how much trouble you have inside.
Wise people says that a kind heart recognizes no enemy, wisdom recognizes no worry. But if I were a wise person then surely I will either solve it without trouble or won't bother to feel worry.
But in this depth of night, my heart's yearning is even clearer and louder, like a giant bell sounded in silence. The missing I have sounds like thunder in my mind, hoping that someone would hear it.
Run wild! Run free! Carry my thoughts and care like a slow, cool breeze. Into the dream of it's master who is always missed. Go!
Midnight, that's when my mind run wild.
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