When my mind run wild

People always say that they want a quiet environment to feel peaceful. But at most times it's a quiet environment that makes your mind wonder more wildly. This can be explained using the theory of relativity, where similarly tell us that beauty only exist because of ugly, happiness only exist because of sadness and wisdom only exist only because stupidity.

The same thing goes for our mind. We have a lot of problems in life. The time when we are really at peace is actually the things around us are in chaos. Sounds like nonsense? Not at all. When we are in a very grave condition, our mind focuses on the thing around us. We don't have many thoughts because our mind are working hard at the moment to face the current situation. But notice this: whenever we sat down and have nothing to do, or the fact that the things you are doing is not too important that it won't form a strong enough attraction for your mind, you end up thinking about a lot more things than you do during chaos. You think about your future, your desires or even sometimes flashes of thoughts which bring no meaning but still annoying all the same.

The night is a time when you mind run wilder than the rest of the time in a day. Sometimes you can't sleep, like I am now, and you find yourself sitting in front of your laptop reading people's posts on facebook without really taking in what they're posting. Your mind's running wild with all the problems you face recently and you don't really want to disturb your friends who is online at that moment. Or worse there's some problem you can't simply talk to anyone about but you wonder whether trying to access the problem or the person directly will make the situations better or worse.

You think about all the possibilities. You think about the moves you should take. You think about other live examples you have witnessed in your life. You think about whether it's worth it. Then you can't stop thinking about it anyway. All that can haunt you during the time which is the most peaceful. Because the peace outside actually helps to let you know how much trouble you have inside.

Wise people says that a kind heart recognizes no enemy, wisdom recognizes no worry. But if I were a wise person then surely I will either solve it without trouble or won't bother to feel worry.

But in this depth of night, my heart's yearning is even clearer and louder, like a giant bell sounded in silence. The missing I have sounds like thunder in my mind, hoping that someone would hear it.

Run wild! Run free! Carry my thoughts and care like a slow, cool breeze. Into the dream of it's master who is always missed. Go!

Midnight, that's when my mind run wild.

Something to be done

There's always time you have to do something. Sometimes it's the people around you who forces you to do it, sometimes it's the surrounding that forces you and sometimes it's you who forces you to do it yourself. They can be things you don't like, things you find annoying and exhausting or things that requires a long and continuous effort which you don't really feel up to the challenge. Nevertheless, sometimes they are something that need to be done.

I read and heard from many times in all sorts of books and people I encounter in my life that it's things like that which make you stronger. It's things like that which make one's life meaningful. It's things like that which give you the ability to stand up again and again in difficult conditions. Even though if one know that he will fail, he still needs to try and give his best shot. If he do not, then he either feels regret or keep failing when facing similar situations in the future.

So what if you are facing tough competitions? So what if the chance to succeed is scarce? What if it requires you making lots of efforts? So what if it requires you to be patient and keep doing it for a long time? So what if after all that, you can still fail?

The fact is, chickening out just because you are afraid of losing or just prefer a easier path is pathetic! I don't deny that something can be achieved by trying different methods, like people say you have lots of ways to earn money. But if something is your passion, something you can't replace it, or something you only have one chance to get, then choosing not to try is choosing to be a coward.

If something were needed to be done, then do it before people around you start forcing you. If something were needed to be done, then do it before the environment start forcing you. If there's something you really want to do, then do it before the regret is stuck in your mind forever.

Because that's something to be done too.

Just Try, No Regrets

I am ashamed of having thoughts to give up before I even tried. It's just a flash, but it still should not appear nevertheless. Things are supposed to happen in some way, but if you don't try then they are only supposed to fail. Of course there are things which you may fail after giving it your best shot, but if it's important to you then you still need to try it!

How do you know what's important to you? The answer's actually very simple. Put yourself in a situation where you may lose something. If that's the thing you truly want, then surely you will feel the pain of loss. I don't mean the pain you experienced like you misplaced your money. The true pain of loss makes you uncomfortable all time long, it's like you are robbed of something really important to you. You may be resting, but the thought of missing something will come flowing in. You maybe busy, but still you will easily find things that will remind you of that particular thing, again and again!

That's why people say if you can't make up your mind, toss a coin. When the coin is being tossed into the air, you are actually conscious that you may get one choice or the other, so it also means you have chance to lose either of them. So our mind automatically compares the feeling of losing one of the thing to the other, and you will suddenly realize at that moment that which thing you dread losing the most. You will then get the answer regardless of what results the coin throw may be.

Even though you are completely sure that you want something, you are always able to turn on your back and ignore it. Every passion dies if left without any tending, and so does emotion and feeling. Sometimes we feel that something is very hard to achieve and we tell ourselves: never mind, I think I will just give up. The question will not be whether we will be able to give up or not, but whether we will regret this decision.

To me, cutting away our dreams and beliefs is similar to cutting away part of our soul. We dream of something, yet we stay apart from it. This will make us feel some part of us are missing in the future. We may never tell anyone, but the regret's still there although may differ in intensity.

That's why I believe one should just try if that's what his heart wants. Even if you fail, you won't regret. While one can choose more easier path, I still choose to try.

Because I don't want to regret not trying it now in the future.

One bad habit

I was told it is just a habit. I was told that it will fade after time if I just leave it. I was told I will think differently if I was to continue acting normally like last time.

Of course things fade if you stop trying, stop practicing and stop giving it attention. It may take weeks, or maybe years, or maybe more than that, but the thing's for sure is it will fade.

But how the hell do I have the chance to be normal again?  The NORMAL which is defined by you all anyway. Being a stranger? I don't think so. Even I can ignore when I meet, or even purposely get of of the way, the heart inside me is under torture. It's screaming at me so loud that sometimes I wonder whether it will  break.

And that's this: habit. Why on earth is a habit paining me like nothing else? I have been a video gamer since seven years old, and yet I don't feel such a withdrawal symptoms before. Every sight or word that could have been related to the habit make me suffocate, make me wanna scream out in agony.

Yet to preserve something I treasured I said it was just a habit. I told people that it's okay, I realized it now. It's just a habit, I will get over it, no big deal.

But it's not working either, it seems that I am still losing it all the same....

Sometimes I question myself whether this "habit" will worn out or when it will as excruciating pain penetrate my heart like a dagger.

Then I swallow my tears and tell myself: "No big deal, it's just a habit."

Although I know better.

Not people's fault

I just read a saying that I agree with wholeheartedly. "When you feel the sight of seeing someone is annoying, it is actually your mental state which is not good enough."

How many times have an argument or even fight started from people who does not see each other eye to eye? How many times have you just walk down the street, saw a fellow and felt annoyed by just the sight of him? How many times have people choose not to give chance because they feel that that person should be punished, since I don't like his looks?

In life, we are all hoping to live happily, but realize that living happily is not possible to achieve by living alone. Humans live in societies, and we have to mingle around others each day. How can we live happily when we always found dislike and hatred in each other? How can we live happily if we are always unhappy about other people?

In Buddha's teaching, the highest level state of mental one can reach is not to feel angry however way you are provoked. Although we cannot expect everyone to reach such level, at least we can stop making conclusions about other people based on first sight. However bad you feel about the person's outer image he is portraying, the true nature he has maybe completely different from what you think. Often we will find evil or kindness at the place we least expected it.

It won't be people's fault if we feel annoyed by their appearance. It won't be your surrounding's fault if you feel that the place make you moody and sad. Human wants to be the controller and regulator in many things, but often they forget that the true controller is the one who can control his mind. A positive mind views everything in a positive light, which further encouraged innovative actions which yield good results. How can we blame people around us to be the source of our failures?

The next time you feel annoyed by sights of people you dislike, think of your own faults and confront your own mind. Is this feeling of annoyance people's fault?

No, it is actually a defect of  your own mental state. So don't feel unhappy then! =D